Thursday, August 4, 2011

Right before harvest came, we did a lot of divination. Asked about Big Life Things and interpreted communally. When you read for yourself often, it's fascinating to have someone else do it for you or do it in a group. When that voice is different than my own, sometimes I have a hard time taking it in and letting it be. I want to circle around and find loopholes - especially when what I've been told is a truth I might not have been ready for or if it rings with the interpreter's voice rather than that of the Fates.

I've been reading through my tarot journal, seeing what I have been harvesting and sowing in small doses. Most of the readings I've done for myself, alone. Tarot is something I like, something that clicked the first time I picked it up. The dangerous part of reading for yourself and never getting another's voice in there is that you can recreate the narrative in small twists. Paint things different than they are because you want to see them that way. The cards will fight you, they should, and it's strange to look back and see the places you so wanted a certain result, got a different one, and the cards told the truth all along.

The tarot is a funny thing. People put so many rules and superstitions around it, keep it mysterious and veiled. As if all those cards can't be mysterious to the average bear without any help. It's a living thing with a personality and preferences. Even when you try and twist its voice, you can't hide from the truth you got told. That's especially true in matters of the heart. Looking back over the last 2-3 years of readings, I can't believe how stupid and willfully blind I was in patches. It makes me wonder if there are places I'm doing it now, assignations of meaning that don't quite seem right. Sometimes more will be revealed and make sense of itself in hindsight. I hope that's the case, that there are good things I'm too close to be able to see clearly.

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