Monday, October 31, 2011

On Samhain Eve

I got quiet for a while. Things got weird and wrong here, I couldn't figure out how to fix them or even pin down what exactly was wrong to work on a fix, and I learned some important lessons about stewardship and responsibilities that come with gifts. Naturally, I am compounding everything with feeling sorry for myself and seeking out The Perfect Answer when simply acting in some way on the problem would turn things around in no time. I'm not quick to see the opportunities that present themselves in crisis. The universe has all but rented planes pulling message banners behind them to get me to understand what's very, very obvious.

While I see photos of beautiful altars and offerings going up for Samhain (some of you are doubtless celebrating right now), this is not the year for it for me. It's been a long, full, challenging year in both the mundane and magical parts of my life, doubly so where the effects of one spill over into the other. It feels right to let it close in stillness and contemplation with small observances.

Ok, I did carve a pumpkin - the second one of my life - to guard us against spirits and trick-or-treaters. The timing just doesn't feel right for the holiday, even if we're in the glorious midst of a cool front that makes the days warm instead of hot and the nights snappy. The heat and drought went on for so long that the growth cycles are off for all the plants. Putting together a huge wheel of the year ritual here and now feels like trying to pull of Christmas in a post-apocalyptic desert outpost. So instead of feeling left out of celebrating like people who have seasons, I will take a hint from the universe and let it be what it is. I wonder if the spirits around here feel as drained from the summer as the living do...